When I tried to call the surgery last night to make an appointment, I found that they were closed. The machine didn't take messages, so I set an alarm for 8:30am sharp to make sure I was seen today. At exactly 8:30am, I pulled the phone out and pushed redial. 10:45am. Awesome.
At this point, I didn't know. I mean, I wasn't sure how accurate my home test was, and I wanted to see a doctor to confirm. 10:45 seemed ages away, but my boyfriend drove me in and waited with me. I had about 5 glasses of water just before we left to make sure I'd be able to pee if they needed it, so my the time by doctor called for me, I was in a rush in more ways than one. I ascended the steps, ready to do my cup-ly duty when I told him the results of my home test.
"Well, we don't have to confirm it. You're pregnant."
"Are you sure?"
"If it was negative, we'd test again. But when you're pregnant, you're pregnant."
Well that's confirmed at least! The breath was knocked out of me for a second. I knew I was pregnant. My boobs had been hurting, I was very late, and the two tests I took seemed pretty conclusive to me. But still. I'm gonna be a mommy. Way sooner than I had planned. As all of this was jogging through my mind, he said "Ok? Any questions?" I looked at him like his head was on fire and blurted out "What do I do now?" I explained that we were definitely going to have the baby, but I didn't even know what questions to ask. He asked me if I was taking Folic Acid already. I explained that, until yesterday, my next big thing on the horizon was a proposal, so no. He asked whether I wanted Semi-private or Private care. I faltered. I just listened and nodded as he explained all my possibilities. I'm working in Ireland, am a resident, and pay taxes, he explained, which means I'm entitled to some support for maternity care, regardless of my citizenship. That means seeing a midwife every other appointment and a gynecologist every other time. My grandmother is a midwife, so I feel pretty safe with them, plus Ireland has some of the best maternity care in the world, so I was feeling a little better. He was a fantastic doctor, and I really felt safe talking to him.
He went through the motions - 7+ weeks along, due date September 12th, Ultrasound at 18 weeks will give me a better idea, though. Then he got honest.
"1 in 5 pregnancies before 12 weeks miscarries. It's a roll of the dice. It's almost pre-determined."
He warned me that I should keep that in the back of my mind. He gave me some tips - don't eat unpasturized cheese, no alcohol, etc - but said that most of the preventative stuff is hopeful thinking. He just said I need to be prepared that it could happen.
I haven't told anyone but my best friend yet. We'll tell family at the end of February, but we're not going to take it public until the end of March, when we're more or less in the "safe zone."
I have to say, it's a lonely place to be. We're planning, but don't feel safe acting on anything until we know if the pregnancy's viable. I'm wondering about my education and whether I can continue it abroad, settle for a lower degree, go on leave, or abandon it. It's too early to decide now, but I start my next round of fees in March, so that's a huge thing. It's something we'll really need to think about in the coming days.
For now it's powering ahead and looking at visa information for both the US and Ireland...we'll see.
No comments:
Post a Comment