So the system in Ireland is a little different to that in the states.
Here, there are three options: Public, Semi-private, and Private. All Irish citizens and ordinary residents are entitled to completely free maternity care, thanks to the 1970 Health Act. This 100% free care falls under the 'public' heading. Women are also able to avail of some free services, while paying for others (or paying with isurance) - about half and half. This falls under semi-private care. If you want to go full private and pay out of pocket or with private insurance for everything, that is an option too. Going public, there's less choice in terms of doctors and facilities and things are a bit more rushed, given the demand. Going private, it's expensive.
As a Non-EEA citizen, I am still entitled to some maternity care if I have been living in Ireland for the last year and paying taxes (which I have.) As a student, I'm not sure how much care that is. I was given a form to fill out and send away to the HSE, and I haven't heard back yet, so I'm playing it by ear. So far, it looks like I will be semi-private, paying for midwife visits, but not hospital visits...or vice versa...I'm not quite sure.
ANYway, today was my first midwife appointment. I am 13 weeks along, and because of the intense life choices we're making right now, I wanted to be sure that the pregnancy is viable. I had heard that you can hear the heartbeat through a doppler at 12 weeks, so I was really hoping the midwife would do that for us - it seems to be touch and go over here. Unfortunately for us, the first ultrasound over here is usually a 20 week anomaly scan, because of the great demand for scans. This means we'll have to pay for a private scan if we want to see it earlier, about 150 euro.
The midwife brought us up and asked us all sorts of questions, how my morning sickness was, how far along I am, etc. My (sorry guys) urine looked great and she took my blood pressure at the beginning of the exam. She seemed concerned after she took it and told me she'd take it again later. Usually I get nervous about having my blood pressure taken (I have no idea) and it's high the first time. Every time I've gone to the doctor, the second time they take it, it drops significantly. I told her that I was concerned about developing gestational diabetes because I can't seem to retain any water that I take in, and am constantly dehydrated. I also let her know about my hypothyroidism, which could have affected the baby's development in the first trimester. She said she could try the doppler, but hers is really not sensitive enough until about 15 weeks. Usually they wait until the first hospital appointment to do blood testing, but because of all of my concerns, and because I happened to not have eaten in the past 12 hours (ie. too lazy to eat breakfast) she could conduct full, fasting bloods.
As I was laying down for the drawing of blood, she brought out the doppler. She squeezed some extra cold jelly on my tummy and went to town trying to find a heart beat. A couple of times, my heart skipped a beat when I heard the swish-swish noises coming from it, but she explained those were just the sounds of blood rushing in and out of my placenta. She explained that a baby's heartbeat sounds like a horse galloping...very fast. She searched for a while, but couldn't find the heartbeat for sure, she said she might have heard it behind the other sounds, however the doppler is just not sensitive enough for this early stage. What she did say was "Well, SOMETHING is going on down there." I guess that's why it's great that I don't have a doppler. I'd probably think every sound was the heartbeat, and if I couldn't find it, I'd freak out.
After this, she took my blood pressure again. It was still high 134/94. She stressed that it shouldn't be that high this early and that I need to get my diet straight and the boyfriend needs to drag me out to exercise. Siiiiiiiiiigh..Ooookaaaay! I've been so fatigued lately, but this really isn't an option now, I have to get my blood pressure down.
After the appointment, we decided to schedule a first ultrasound privately. It's tonight at 8. I'm a little nervous, but it will be good to confirm everything is safe and sound. More on that later!
Wednesday 29 February 2012
Telling the Family
So it's been a while!
A lot has happened since my last post! I finished my progression panel essay, finally, so now I have a little less to worry about, and my nausea has gone down significantly. I'm still having big food aversions, mostly to flesh foods and, for some reason, broccoli, and a lot of smell sensitivity, but for the most part, I'm not walking that nausea tightrope. Yay!
The biggest news is that I told my family about the pregnancy. So here's the story:
The boyfriend and I decided on the 18th of February to tell my mom and dad. When I first found out I was pregnant, they were about to embark on a cruise, so we didn't want to give them any cause for worry or distraction while they were on holiday. Unfortunately, when they returned, they had both contracted a stomach bug from their excursions into Mexico. We didn't exactly want to tell them when they were so sick, so we waited a while. Finally, it got to the point that I just had to say something. After a long day at work, the boyfriend and I sat down in front of my computer and decided to skype my mom and dad. I was more than a little nervous. I had already been battling intense nausea the whole day, but the minute my skype started dialing, I thought I'd puke then and there. I knew my parents would be fine, even happy, with the situation, but still...
We got them on the phone and I had my mom call me back so we could do a video chat. I decided I wanted to be a bit creative in telling them, so I had recorded myself singing 'Baby Mine' from Dumbo - one of my favorite lullabyes. I sent it on and told them it was from my new album. The second they started listening to it, the internet cut out. We've been having problems with our internet service, but I'll tell you, I could have absolutely killed the internet provider in that moment. I had just given my parents a ticking 'news' timebomb, and had no way to contact them. If I didn't have to puke before, I was sure feeling it then.
After what seemed like 10 minutes, but was probably only 3-4, I got them back on the line and asked them what they thought of the song. Both said they liked it, and I kept pressing:
Me: So...did you really like it?
Them: Yep
Me: It's from my new album.
Them: It's very good.
Me: The album is lullabyes
Them: Cool.
Me: Because you're going to be grandparents...
Them: Ohhhh...
"Oh" wasn't what I was exactly expecting, but it's better than "Oh no!" They were shocked, but as the conversation went on, I could tell they were getting excited about it. We explained our situation and the boyfriend was very open about his future intentions with me. We also chatted about insurance and his potential visa options, the general consensus being how important it is for him to be at the birth. By the end of the conversation, we were playfully arguing about which NFL team the baby will support (it's gonna be the Denver Broncos, if I have my way) and my mom was already on the web looking for mini-jerseys.
After we hung up, I just couldn't hold it in, I had to tell my brothers. I called the middle brother, out in California, and broke the news. His reaction was priceless...
Me: Soo....are you excited to be an uncle?
Him: Wait...what? No waaaaaaaaaaaaaayy! Awwww, sh*t! Maaaan!! That's so....Awww....man! No way!
We asked him to be the godfather, and he was delighted. I rang my youngest brother and told him as well. He took the news better than I thought, he's the most conservative of the bunch of us, and he seemed very pleased to be an uncle. Apparently his girlfriend was jump-up-and-down happy, which is awesome. His only reservation: 'I guess it'll mean having another little kid around, but yeah, it'll be cool.'
In the days to follow, everytime I called my mom:
Mom: I told ______, they're so happy for you
Mom: When I told ______ they were ecstatic!
So apparently everyone in my hometown knows now. But it's grand, as long as it doesn't get on facebook before we tell our friends, I'll be a happy camper. More on this later!
A lot has happened since my last post! I finished my progression panel essay, finally, so now I have a little less to worry about, and my nausea has gone down significantly. I'm still having big food aversions, mostly to flesh foods and, for some reason, broccoli, and a lot of smell sensitivity, but for the most part, I'm not walking that nausea tightrope. Yay!
The biggest news is that I told my family about the pregnancy. So here's the story:
The boyfriend and I decided on the 18th of February to tell my mom and dad. When I first found out I was pregnant, they were about to embark on a cruise, so we didn't want to give them any cause for worry or distraction while they were on holiday. Unfortunately, when they returned, they had both contracted a stomach bug from their excursions into Mexico. We didn't exactly want to tell them when they were so sick, so we waited a while. Finally, it got to the point that I just had to say something. After a long day at work, the boyfriend and I sat down in front of my computer and decided to skype my mom and dad. I was more than a little nervous. I had already been battling intense nausea the whole day, but the minute my skype started dialing, I thought I'd puke then and there. I knew my parents would be fine, even happy, with the situation, but still...
We got them on the phone and I had my mom call me back so we could do a video chat. I decided I wanted to be a bit creative in telling them, so I had recorded myself singing 'Baby Mine' from Dumbo - one of my favorite lullabyes. I sent it on and told them it was from my new album. The second they started listening to it, the internet cut out. We've been having problems with our internet service, but I'll tell you, I could have absolutely killed the internet provider in that moment. I had just given my parents a ticking 'news' timebomb, and had no way to contact them. If I didn't have to puke before, I was sure feeling it then.
After what seemed like 10 minutes, but was probably only 3-4, I got them back on the line and asked them what they thought of the song. Both said they liked it, and I kept pressing:
Me: So...did you really like it?
Them: Yep
Me: It's from my new album.
Them: It's very good.
Me: The album is lullabyes
Them: Cool.
Me: Because you're going to be grandparents...
Them: Ohhhh...
"Oh" wasn't what I was exactly expecting, but it's better than "Oh no!" They were shocked, but as the conversation went on, I could tell they were getting excited about it. We explained our situation and the boyfriend was very open about his future intentions with me. We also chatted about insurance and his potential visa options, the general consensus being how important it is for him to be at the birth. By the end of the conversation, we were playfully arguing about which NFL team the baby will support (it's gonna be the Denver Broncos, if I have my way) and my mom was already on the web looking for mini-jerseys.
After we hung up, I just couldn't hold it in, I had to tell my brothers. I called the middle brother, out in California, and broke the news. His reaction was priceless...
Me: Soo....are you excited to be an uncle?
Him: Wait...what? No waaaaaaaaaaaaaayy! Awwww, sh*t! Maaaan!! That's so....Awww....man! No way!
We asked him to be the godfather, and he was delighted. I rang my youngest brother and told him as well. He took the news better than I thought, he's the most conservative of the bunch of us, and he seemed very pleased to be an uncle. Apparently his girlfriend was jump-up-and-down happy, which is awesome. His only reservation: 'I guess it'll mean having another little kid around, but yeah, it'll be cool.'
In the days to follow, everytime I called my mom:
Mom: I told ______, they're so happy for you
Mom: When I told ______ they were ecstatic!
So apparently everyone in my hometown knows now. But it's grand, as long as it doesn't get on facebook before we tell our friends, I'll be a happy camper. More on this later!
Friday 10 February 2012
Secret's out...
...well to a few at least. We told the boyfriend's parents and siblings and also his niece and nephew. It was nice to get it out there to the family. My folks are on a cruise at the moment, so we have to wait until next week to tell them.
As great as it is to have told, I'm so nervous now. I can't wait to get into late March when we can make it public and my worry can ease. I want to start feeling pregnant - to be able to talk about stuff with people and to make plans.
Ah well. In other news, I have been craving cheese fries like nothing else. Almost everything else turns my stomach, but for some reason, nothing would make me happier than a huge portion of Steak 'n' Shake cheese fries. Mmmmm.... Is it bad that I kind of can't wait to go home? I love Ireland, but there's a time and a place to pack it in here and go where I'm most familiar.
As great as it is to have told, I'm so nervous now. I can't wait to get into late March when we can make it public and my worry can ease. I want to start feeling pregnant - to be able to talk about stuff with people and to make plans.
Ah well. In other news, I have been craving cheese fries like nothing else. Almost everything else turns my stomach, but for some reason, nothing would make me happier than a huge portion of Steak 'n' Shake cheese fries. Mmmmm.... Is it bad that I kind of can't wait to go home? I love Ireland, but there's a time and a place to pack it in here and go where I'm most familiar.
Wednesday 1 February 2012
Unrelated/Related Good News!
I've been too sick to sit down and write my 20,000 words for my progression panel, which is fast approaching on the 20th of February. Or at least I thought I was. I get so stressed out that I make myself sicker. I finally sat down today for about 10 minutes and wrote my first bit of the paper. I wrote 213 words. 213 words that I am very proud of. Now, that's nowhere near 20,000. I will have to write 213 words 94 times in order to finish the paper. 10min times 94 equals 940 minutes which equals 16 hours if I sit here and do nothing else. I have all day today, tomorrow, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday and part of the day on Friday. I'm feeling pretty good. I can do this. For sure. And after it's done...then I can worry about Baby Stuff
The Truth
So there's been no barfing yet, just the constant threat of it day in and day out. It seems like I'm nauseous all the time...except when I'm eating. When I'm stuffing my face, the nausea seems to go away, which I find to be more than a little curious. When the boyfriend asked me yesterday evening what meat he should start defrosting for dinner, I had to ask him to "hold it!!" I just couldn't stomach even thinking about our freezer - which is packed with delicious, high quality meats straight from the butcher.
Poor guy, I thought. He's being so supportive and trying to help out, but I am not making it easy on him.
"When do you want to eat?"
"I don't know."
"Do you think you'll want to eat later?"
"I won't want to, but cook something anyway."
"Ok, what do you feel like eating?"
"Nothing. Maybe something carby? Noodles with butter?"
"Ok, I'll go to the store..."
"Oh, get me some Doritos!"
I sat in bed moaning and turning and trying to get comfortable, just to get rid of that constant lump in my throat and jump of my stomach. I realized that these next seven months are going to be the most uncomfortable of my life so far.
And here's the truth, because I promised I would be completely honest with this blog...
I really hate being uncomfortable. That's right, I'm a spoiled, middle-class woman who grew up, well, comfortable. So I'm not going to lie and say that I'm "experiencing the exquisite" right now. It sucks. It sucks to be so tired all the time. It sucks to feel like I'm constantly about to puke. It sucks that my skin has completely dried out. It sucks that I'm suddenly have the superpower of supersmell. And the worst part of it is that I am so terrified that something is going to happen to this baby. I'm happy with the result of that little blue test now. As uncomfortable as I am and will be, I really want this pregnancy to be successful. I want to be a mommy.
We're not sharing the news until we're out of the first trimester, which means I'm keeping these symptoms to myself, my partner, and my blog. And that really sucks.
Poor guy, I thought. He's being so supportive and trying to help out, but I am not making it easy on him.
"When do you want to eat?"
"I don't know."
"Do you think you'll want to eat later?"
"I won't want to, but cook something anyway."
"Ok, what do you feel like eating?"
"Nothing. Maybe something carby? Noodles with butter?"
"Ok, I'll go to the store..."
"Oh, get me some Doritos!"
I sat in bed moaning and turning and trying to get comfortable, just to get rid of that constant lump in my throat and jump of my stomach. I realized that these next seven months are going to be the most uncomfortable of my life so far.
And here's the truth, because I promised I would be completely honest with this blog...
I really hate being uncomfortable. That's right, I'm a spoiled, middle-class woman who grew up, well, comfortable. So I'm not going to lie and say that I'm "experiencing the exquisite" right now. It sucks. It sucks to be so tired all the time. It sucks to feel like I'm constantly about to puke. It sucks that my skin has completely dried out. It sucks that I'm suddenly have the superpower of supersmell. And the worst part of it is that I am so terrified that something is going to happen to this baby. I'm happy with the result of that little blue test now. As uncomfortable as I am and will be, I really want this pregnancy to be successful. I want to be a mommy.
We're not sharing the news until we're out of the first trimester, which means I'm keeping these symptoms to myself, my partner, and my blog. And that really sucks.
Saturday 28 January 2012
Morning sick-blarrggghhh
Did I mention that I have severe Emetophobia? It's an irrational and pervasive fear a vomitting.
So that was fun today.
I didn't think I was that sensitive, but as I worked my shift, smells started getting to me. My boss, who I told for safety and sick-day reasons, was very careful to dull some of them, but when I heated up some Chicken Soup for lunch, that was it. A bumpy bus ride home set me even more on edge, and when I walked in the door, my boyfriend had dinner waiting for me. Like I said, he's amazing. I promptly threw my bag and brand new copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" on the table and ran into the bedroom to escape the strong smell of pizza and Old Bay seasoning.
I never dreamed that my sense of smell would become so, well, sensitive. It's almost like my nostrils are wired directly into my brain and the smells come at them like an electric shock. I had to stop breathing for a few seconds to compose myself. Now I'm nibbling at my dinner - making sure I get the nutrition and keep it down.
This was definitely my "This is really happening" day. Let's hope the morning sickness plateaus here...
So that was fun today.
I didn't think I was that sensitive, but as I worked my shift, smells started getting to me. My boss, who I told for safety and sick-day reasons, was very careful to dull some of them, but when I heated up some Chicken Soup for lunch, that was it. A bumpy bus ride home set me even more on edge, and when I walked in the door, my boyfriend had dinner waiting for me. Like I said, he's amazing. I promptly threw my bag and brand new copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" on the table and ran into the bedroom to escape the strong smell of pizza and Old Bay seasoning.
I never dreamed that my sense of smell would become so, well, sensitive. It's almost like my nostrils are wired directly into my brain and the smells come at them like an electric shock. I had to stop breathing for a few seconds to compose myself. Now I'm nibbling at my dinner - making sure I get the nutrition and keep it down.
This was definitely my "This is really happening" day. Let's hope the morning sickness plateaus here...
Friday 27 January 2012
1st Doctor's Appointment
When I tried to call the surgery last night to make an appointment, I found that they were closed. The machine didn't take messages, so I set an alarm for 8:30am sharp to make sure I was seen today. At exactly 8:30am, I pulled the phone out and pushed redial. 10:45am. Awesome.
At this point, I didn't know. I mean, I wasn't sure how accurate my home test was, and I wanted to see a doctor to confirm. 10:45 seemed ages away, but my boyfriend drove me in and waited with me. I had about 5 glasses of water just before we left to make sure I'd be able to pee if they needed it, so my the time by doctor called for me, I was in a rush in more ways than one. I ascended the steps, ready to do my cup-ly duty when I told him the results of my home test.
"Well, we don't have to confirm it. You're pregnant."
"Are you sure?"
"If it was negative, we'd test again. But when you're pregnant, you're pregnant."
Well that's confirmed at least! The breath was knocked out of me for a second. I knew I was pregnant. My boobs had been hurting, I was very late, and the two tests I took seemed pretty conclusive to me. But still. I'm gonna be a mommy. Way sooner than I had planned. As all of this was jogging through my mind, he said "Ok? Any questions?" I looked at him like his head was on fire and blurted out "What do I do now?" I explained that we were definitely going to have the baby, but I didn't even know what questions to ask. He asked me if I was taking Folic Acid already. I explained that, until yesterday, my next big thing on the horizon was a proposal, so no. He asked whether I wanted Semi-private or Private care. I faltered. I just listened and nodded as he explained all my possibilities. I'm working in Ireland, am a resident, and pay taxes, he explained, which means I'm entitled to some support for maternity care, regardless of my citizenship. That means seeing a midwife every other appointment and a gynecologist every other time. My grandmother is a midwife, so I feel pretty safe with them, plus Ireland has some of the best maternity care in the world, so I was feeling a little better. He was a fantastic doctor, and I really felt safe talking to him.
He went through the motions - 7+ weeks along, due date September 12th, Ultrasound at 18 weeks will give me a better idea, though. Then he got honest.
"1 in 5 pregnancies before 12 weeks miscarries. It's a roll of the dice. It's almost pre-determined."
He warned me that I should keep that in the back of my mind. He gave me some tips - don't eat unpasturized cheese, no alcohol, etc - but said that most of the preventative stuff is hopeful thinking. He just said I need to be prepared that it could happen.
I haven't told anyone but my best friend yet. We'll tell family at the end of February, but we're not going to take it public until the end of March, when we're more or less in the "safe zone."
I have to say, it's a lonely place to be. We're planning, but don't feel safe acting on anything until we know if the pregnancy's viable. I'm wondering about my education and whether I can continue it abroad, settle for a lower degree, go on leave, or abandon it. It's too early to decide now, but I start my next round of fees in March, so that's a huge thing. It's something we'll really need to think about in the coming days.
For now it's powering ahead and looking at visa information for both the US and Ireland...we'll see.
At this point, I didn't know. I mean, I wasn't sure how accurate my home test was, and I wanted to see a doctor to confirm. 10:45 seemed ages away, but my boyfriend drove me in and waited with me. I had about 5 glasses of water just before we left to make sure I'd be able to pee if they needed it, so my the time by doctor called for me, I was in a rush in more ways than one. I ascended the steps, ready to do my cup-ly duty when I told him the results of my home test.
"Well, we don't have to confirm it. You're pregnant."
"Are you sure?"
"If it was negative, we'd test again. But when you're pregnant, you're pregnant."
Well that's confirmed at least! The breath was knocked out of me for a second. I knew I was pregnant. My boobs had been hurting, I was very late, and the two tests I took seemed pretty conclusive to me. But still. I'm gonna be a mommy. Way sooner than I had planned. As all of this was jogging through my mind, he said "Ok? Any questions?" I looked at him like his head was on fire and blurted out "What do I do now?" I explained that we were definitely going to have the baby, but I didn't even know what questions to ask. He asked me if I was taking Folic Acid already. I explained that, until yesterday, my next big thing on the horizon was a proposal, so no. He asked whether I wanted Semi-private or Private care. I faltered. I just listened and nodded as he explained all my possibilities. I'm working in Ireland, am a resident, and pay taxes, he explained, which means I'm entitled to some support for maternity care, regardless of my citizenship. That means seeing a midwife every other appointment and a gynecologist every other time. My grandmother is a midwife, so I feel pretty safe with them, plus Ireland has some of the best maternity care in the world, so I was feeling a little better. He was a fantastic doctor, and I really felt safe talking to him.
He went through the motions - 7+ weeks along, due date September 12th, Ultrasound at 18 weeks will give me a better idea, though. Then he got honest.
"1 in 5 pregnancies before 12 weeks miscarries. It's a roll of the dice. It's almost pre-determined."
He warned me that I should keep that in the back of my mind. He gave me some tips - don't eat unpasturized cheese, no alcohol, etc - but said that most of the preventative stuff is hopeful thinking. He just said I need to be prepared that it could happen.
I haven't told anyone but my best friend yet. We'll tell family at the end of February, but we're not going to take it public until the end of March, when we're more or less in the "safe zone."
I have to say, it's a lonely place to be. We're planning, but don't feel safe acting on anything until we know if the pregnancy's viable. I'm wondering about my education and whether I can continue it abroad, settle for a lower degree, go on leave, or abandon it. It's too early to decide now, but I start my next round of fees in March, so that's a huge thing. It's something we'll really need to think about in the coming days.
For now it's powering ahead and looking at visa information for both the US and Ireland...we'll see.
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