The Truth

So there's been no barfing yet, just the constant threat of it day in and day out.  It seems like I'm nauseous all the time...except when I'm eating.  When I'm stuffing my face, the nausea seems to go away, which I find to be more than a little curious.  When the boyfriend asked me yesterday evening what meat he should start defrosting for dinner, I had to ask him to "hold it!!" I just couldn't stomach even thinking about our freezer - which is packed with delicious, high quality meats straight from the butcher. 

Poor guy, I thought.  He's being so supportive and trying to help out, but I am not making it easy on him.

"When do you want to eat?"
"I don't know."
"Do you think you'll want to eat later?"
"I won't want to, but cook something anyway."
"Ok, what do you feel like eating?"
"Nothing.  Maybe something carby? Noodles with butter?"
"Ok, I'll go to the store..."
"Oh, get me some Doritos!"

I sat in bed moaning and turning and trying to get comfortable, just to get rid of that constant lump in my throat and jump of my stomach.  I realized that these next seven months are going to be the most uncomfortable of my life so far.

And here's the truth, because I promised I would be completely honest with this blog...

I really hate being uncomfortable.  That's right, I'm a spoiled, middle-class woman who grew up, well, comfortable.  So I'm not going to lie and say that I'm "experiencing the exquisite" right now.  It sucks.  It sucks to be so tired all the time.  It sucks to feel like I'm constantly about to puke.  It sucks that my skin has completely dried out.  It sucks that I'm suddenly have the superpower of supersmell.  And the worst part of it is that I am so terrified that something is going to happen to this baby.  I'm happy with the result of that little blue test now.  As uncomfortable as I am and will be, I really want this pregnancy to be successful.  I want to be a mommy. 

We're not sharing the news until we're out of the first trimester, which means I'm keeping these symptoms to myself, my partner, and my blog.  And that really sucks.